| Fundamental Techniques for Handling People Don't criticize, condemn, or complain Give honest and sincere appreciation Arouse in the other person an eager want | 6 Ways to Make People Like You

• Become genuinely interested in other peopleSMILE
• Say their name
• Listen; encourage them to talk about themselves
• Talk about what they are interested in
• Make them feel important - do it sincerely | | --- | --- | | Win People to your way of Thinking The only way to win an argument is to avoid it. NEVER say “you’re wrong” If I am wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically Always begin in a friendly way Start immediately with them saying “yes, yes” Let the other person do most of the talking Let the other person think the idea is theirs Always try honestly to see from the other person’s point of view Be sympathetic to the other person’s ideas and desires Appeal to noble motives Dramatize your ideas Create a challenge | Be a Leader
• Begin with praise and honest appreciation Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing Ask questions; DO NOT give orders Let the other person save face Praise each and every improvement profusely Create/assign a reputation for them to live up to Encourage- make it seem easy to correct Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest |

Important overview notes:

• Hesitate about doing the natural/impulsive thing
• Dedicate time every week to reviewing this, and every month
• BE AWARE of your first instinct. Often (OFTEN) it is wrong

Fundamental Techniques for Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain
   1. It is foolish to scold - 99% of the time people wont criticize themselves, even if they are wrong
   2. Creates resentment and puts people on defensive
   3. Start with yourself - much less risky
   4. People are not creatures of logic, rather emotion
   5. Do not speak ill of ANY man
   6. “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men”
   7. Always try to understand
   8. S - Bob Hoover and air plane servicing gone wrong
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
   1. Deepest urge in human nature: Desire to be important/appreciated
   2. How you feel important -> your character = most significant thing about you
   3. I - People who go insane often find a feeling of importance they couldn’t achieve
   4. “My ability to arouse enthusiasm in people is the greatest asset I possess”
   5. Anxious to praise an loath to find fault
   6. Need for appreciation = Need for food
   7. Appreciation has to be SINCERE. Not flattery
   8. Leave a friendly trail of appreciation every day
   9. “I shall pass this way just once, so if I can do any good, let me not defer nor neglect it”
   10. “Every man I meet is my superior in some way”
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
   1. Every act you perform is because you want something
   2. Ask myself: How can I make this person want to do it?". Don’t even mention what I want
   3. S - Andrew Carnegie writing to nephews
   4. “If there is one secret to success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view”
   5. Why should they want to do it? What is in it for them?
   6. Think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle

6 Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people

   1. Be a dog - he makes his living doing nothing but giving you love
   2. Remember that people are interested in themselves
      1. S - When you look at a photo, who do you look for first?
   3. S - saying hi to Soda clerk saved customer + x2 order!
   4. If you want to make friends - do things for other people - things that take energy, time, unselfishness, thoughtfullness
   5. Greet people with enthusiasm and animation
   6. Ask for only 1 minute of time, then show interest in them
   7. “We are interested in others when they are interested in us”

2. SMILE

   1. People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it
   2. You have to have a good time meeting someone else if you expect them to have a good time meeting you

   ACT AS IF YOU WERE ALREADY HAPPY, AND THAT WILL TEND TO MAKE YOU HAPPY

   1. It doesnt matter what you do, only what you think about that will make you happy or not
      1. “There is nothing either good or bad” “but thinking makes it so”
   2. Do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies”
   3. Picture in your mind the earnest, able, useful person you desire to be. Thought is supreme

   <aside> 💡 Smile :)

   </aside>

3. Say their name

   1. S - naming bunnies after kids who got food
   2. Remember and honor names of friends and associates
   3. Simple and easy way to gain goodwill
   4. Ask to repeat, spell, use in conversation, write it down (visual)

4. Listen; encourage them to talk about themselves

   1. Intense listening is the highest compliment
   2. S - Customer was angry and a nice reply got him to reconsider and pay back later, and then he named his baby’s middle name after the company
   3. Ask questions that the other person will enjoy answering
   4. Encourage them to talk about their accomplishment
   5. Remember - you are talking to people who are 100X more interested in themselves than they are in you

5. Talk about what they are interested in

   1. Start by finding out what they are interested in
      1. S - boys scout story about $1 million check, sending kids to Europe

6. Always make the other person feel important - do it sincerely

   1. Use little kind phrases (Im sorry to trouble you, would you please/mind, etc)
   2. All the people you meet feel themselves superior in some way
   3. “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him”

   <aside> 💡 “Talk to people about themselves”. “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours”

   </aside>

Win People to your way of Thinking

1. The only way to win an argument is to avoid it
   1. 9/10 arguments end with both people believing more firmly in their point
   2. S - “Here lies the body of William Jay, Who died maintaining his right of way- He was right, dead right, as he sped along. But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong”
   3. TIPS:
      1. If there is something you haven’t thought of, be grateful they brought it up
      2. Distrust you first instinctive impression
      3. Control your temper
      4. Listen first
      5. Look for areas of agreement
      6. Be honest - admit error where you can
      7. Promise to think over their ideas
      8. Thank them for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things as you. Think of them as people who really want to help you
      9. Postpone Action
   4. Could they be right? Partly right? Is there any truth? Will my reaction relieve the problem? What will people think of me because of my reaction
2. NEVER say “you’re wrong”
   1. It will never make them change their minds
   2. “You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself”
   3. Say, “Well, now, look, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to be put right. Let’s examine the facts”.
   4. You will never get in trouble for admitting that you may be wrong. It will inspire them to be more fair
   5. We rarely permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person
   6. S - Drapes, 1 friend hates them, 1 friend loves them. You fight both sides!!
   7. You can tactfully get others to admit they are wrong
   8. MAKE A RULE: Forbear all direct contradictions to the sentiment of others, and all positive assertion of my own. Forbear all words/expressions that import a fixed opinion (certainly, for sure, never) Instead use “I think”, “I conceive” “I apprehend” “I imagine” “So it appears to me at present”
   9. Nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that they are wrong. That would take away their self-dignity
   10. S - Lumber inspector story - Ask questions that are friendly, cooperative
   11. “I judge people by their own principles- not by my own”
   12. “Agree with thine adversary quickly”
3. If I am wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically